Emotionally slutty

to all my intense girls

Is there such a thing as a “high emotion count”? You know, the type that will get you side eyed if it were a different kind of score. If crossing first base too soon is a no-go, is revealing your soul too off-limits? My bad.

I share too much, too soon, in social situations, with friends, with lovers. I feel so deeply that I can’t help but speak deeply too.

In theory, this shouldn’t be a problem, since communication is the foundation of every relationship, romantic or not. But the reality is that we live in a hyperconnected society that fears emotions.

If we think about communication, both verbal and not verbal, the latter involving expressions and gestures, we begin to understand the “sluttiness” of emotions. It isn’t just about talking too much, things like the way we look can be just as revealing. After all, eyes are the doorway to the soul, aren’t they? Isn’t that one of the most sluttiest things we can do? To look at someone adoringly?

Touch, the way you rest your hand on someone’s shoulder, hold hands or how you can feel each other hearts when you hug. Even the tenderness with which a person handles an object they are atttached to, like a ring your grandmother gave you.

There’s also passion, you can tell everything about someone by their passions, the way their voice softens, their face lights up or they body shifts when they see, talk or even think about it. They say your pupils extend when you think about someone you love, so sexy.

Music too, shamelessly slutty. It has the power of evoking emotions. Musicians are one of the coolest people in the world. How they can put their feelings in words or melodies in such manner that makes you feel against your will, will always make me emotional.

Even posting on social media, slutty! Most of the time, we don’t post to show off how amazing we are or what we’re doing. We post because we crave to share our happiness, “look at this moment, it made me feel so alive.” Photography then, it’s even erotic. The way someone captures a moment or a feeling as a still image, letting us see life through their eyes (soul).

Art is the epitome of emotion sluttiness. Writing even more so. Right now, I’m opening my heart and my thoughts to you, a complete stranger. And chances are you relate, because even though we love to believe we are super individualistic, we are not, we all long for intimacy and understanding.

We often dismiss emotional people because they make us uncomfortable. It’s violent to see someone cry or be sad. And I can see how too much, too soon, isn’t everyone cup of tea. But we must remember, without intense people we wouldn’t have Pride and Prejudice, Frances Ha or Iris.

I am that woman who needs to say “thank you for meeting me, it was so fun, I love you.” And I love finding someone who wants to hear it and who wants to say it back. I am also the woman who cries sitting alone in a park because the view is truly that beautiful. I reveal my feelings for a man way too early. I overshare because I have so much to share, and honestly, it makes me happy. I’m shamelessly slutty.

I wish we weren’t so afraid of being sluts, that the dynamic was different, where if life were speed dating, we’d swipe right to oversharing and swipe left to the nonchalant.

With love,

Alba